I was recently approached by my pastor and his wife regarding this coming Sunday. They asked if I'd be willing to be interviewed during the service. "Of Course" I replied and though I don't have this huge "Come to Jesus" story, I do think mine is one that's relateable. I think it'll be just as easy to simply go down the rough list of questions and write it out in preparation for this coming Sunday...this is typically when more truth comes out of my brain anyway:
1) Briefly describe your life this time last year.
Well- this time last year I was in the process of STILL seeking a church...something I'd been doing since I graduated college. Unfortunately, I wasn't seeking a church to attend for the right reasons but instead because I felt like that was the thing I was supposed to do.
I grew up in a very Christian home and have always known God- but my relationship with him has been a bit of a roller coaster ride as I was only seeking him when it was convenient for me. Every new church I went to simply didn't fit and that's for many reasons. First, I don't think I was yet ready to truly become a Christ-follower because it made my life easier not to. Secondly- each Sunday I did attempt a new church, I did the same thing, I put on my "church" personality along with my "church" clothes and I attended church and pretended to know the answers(like it seemed everyone else was doing), know how I was supposed to act and what I was supposed to do and I tried to prove I belonged among other Christians. Unfortunately, I eventually fell tired of putting on an act and stopped going.
2) How did you become a part of CATT?
Truth is- I met this awesome chick through my softball team, Lauren Faiai. Simply being around her, watching her and listening to her it amazed me just how excited she was about God and what he's done and is still doing in her life. I was amazed that she wasn't shy about or ashamed to talk about it with anyone, but mostly I was taken off guard by just how real she was.
Unlike the people I'd been around, she never pretended to have all the answers. Admittedly, she was just as broken as I even though she's had a longer and stronger relationship with God over the years. She was transparent, didn't try to hide her and flows or vices. She was simply herself, in church, out of church and off the field, it was always the same Lauren.
Because of her, I knew that if I'd ever come to truly know Jesus again, it would have to be around people like myself, people that didn't know all the answers, but wanted to learn. So I came to one of the "First Look" services, and instantly fell in love. Within minutes of being there, I felt like it was the place I belonged-right there in that service God broke me down as if to say, OK Christian, this is what you've been praying for not take advantage of it. So I jumped right in wanting to help because I knew CATT had to succeed in order for me to keep my sanity.
3) What changes have you seen in your life in the past few months?
The biggest change I've seen in my life is the fact that I've never felt so desperate for God till now. God hits me hard and hits me often, for better or for worse and he doesn't hold back.
The other thing is I've found that I am now myself, inside and outside of church. I'm a broken person, and I don't know that I'll ever not be broken, but God has been there with me through it all. He's called upon me to serve him and I've insisted upon him to help me and I now feel as though I'm walking, hand-in-hand with God has he guides me through what has been a rough transition.
The final big change is I'm not ashamed. You know, I never realized exactly how many friends I had that is agnostic so we never discussed religion and I kept my mouth shut if and when the subject did arise. Now, I'm still working on just how out-spoken I'm willing to be, but I find that I'm no longer afraid, or ashamed to state my opinion and my feelings regarding my walk with God.
4) What do you think has contributed to these changes?
I think the biggest thing that has contributed to my transition has been the fact that I've found a place in CATT where I can always be myself and because of that I'm wide-open to God, ready to listen, not afraid to ask questions and not afraid to show my desperation. If I'm moved by the lyrics in the music we sing, I allow myself to feel those feelings, If I'm moved by the message, again, I allow myself to feel those feelings.
The other thing that's contributed to my changes is simply the people at CATT. Again, I feel like I'm accepted and that it's OK to be broken and it's OK to be me.
So who knows, my answers may vary a bit tomorrow as I pray that God will allow me to simply speak what is on my heart and not with a planned response but as for now...I believe these answers say it all.
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