My Grandmother's Chains

Old age can be cruel and unrelenting but it's all part of the life cycle so we must accept it. I just returned from a trip across the SE states to see family and have some fun with my sister and during that trip, my grandmother was put in the hospital. I've known that her life is nearing it's end for a while now and though she's still very much alive, I don't know if I have 2 days, 2 months, 2 years or 12 years left with her but of those years the worst part is not knowing how much longer she'll recognize me. 

As I sat with my grandmother today (Maw Maw as I grew up calling her), I saw a woman who's hard life is nearing its end. Sick, confused, lonely and sad, you can see in her eyes that age has finally stripped her of her most prized possessions - her strength, pride and independence. Now she's left only with her thoughts, many of which are extremely delusional as Dementia is slowly taking over but many, I assume to be the burdens she was forced to bare over the years and those burdens have become heavy chains. 

Anyone that knew of her life, knew that my grandfather left for work one day and never returned- until four years later. My grandmother, who does not believe in divorce, took him back without questioning. During those four years (and beyond) she struggled to provide for her family, unknowing of what had become of or where her husband may be. Even as he returned, many of those burdens remained weighing heavily on her shoulders. 

We know of the stories about how she'd hitch a ride to work and many times was left waiting hours after a long day's work for someone, anyone, that could take her home. She skipped meals so that her children would have full bellies and would do all of this with a smile and extra care. 


We also know that she'd lie awake at night crying to herself. We don't know exactly what the tears were for but we can only assume it was from a mixture of heart break, concern for her children's fate, worry, stress and fear of the unknown. These stories, however, were not stories told by my grandmother but instead pieced together by stories from my father and his siblings. 


My grandmother preferred to bare the weight of those burdens alone because it was more important to her that her children feel nothing but love and that in their site, all was right in the world. Instead, she focused only on love for her children, her grandchildren, her church family, her friends and even the customers at the grocery store where she worked for so many years that were happy to wait in a long line to have "Mrs. Eunice" check them out because she took the time to get to know each and ever customer and was genuinely interested and concerned about what was happening in their lives. 


My entire life, my grandmother has been a symbol of only strength, love, kindness and faith so as I see her lying in bed, vulnerable and susceptible to the cruelties life offers to the elderly, I can't help but to think that it is only now that she feels the weight of her burdens, of these chains.

I fear she holds on to life only for those that love her because she will be a loss that weighs heavily not only on my family, but on her community. However, it is by grace she was able to bear the weight of those chains all these years and as the song suggests, I know it is by grace she'll find relief. "How precious did that grace appear the hour I first believed...My chains are gone, I've been set free, My God, My Savior has ransomed me."


My prayer is that God will allow her to go peacefully by falling asleep in her bed and waking in his arms.