Baby Fever

Why is it that as adult women, we experience the uncontrollable urge to be mothers? It's like the moment you say your "I Dos" the urge hits. Many people give in to that urge as a married couple right away. For me, I couldn't give in. As an educated, intelligent woman I understand that I first have to be able to feed myself before I can feed another human being. I do believe you'll never be financially prepared for a child but I also recognize that there is a line between not thinking you're financially prepared and the simple fact that you really can't afford to feed another human being. Nearly 6 years of marriage have passed and I'm just now getting to that point where I can see that we're starting to get past that line where maybe we can handle it. So yay, we've talked about it and have a timeline in mind. And no, it's not any time soon for those of you who have a bet going about when I'll have a child. You're going to have to wait a long while. But I digress, what I'm trying to figure out is why we have such an urge because, to be perfectly honest, it's driving me a bit batty.

So, here's some hard truth (this would be the time for the men to stop reading this post unless you want the details of the hormonal, sappy emotions a woman experiences). Month after month after month I find myself fighting that need. The emotions can be so overwhelming sometimes that I find it hard to breathe, often on the verge of tears because I want it so badly. I've been blessed with an unbelievable amount of patience for children. Children have always had a place in my heart because I find their innocence and ability to be 100% truthful, absolutely amazing. I only wish I still had 1/4 of the imagination children have and I love to watch and even be a part of their growing. I cherish the relationships I've built with my nieces, god daughter and even the children I babysit. But that's no longer enough. I'm so ready for the opportunity to experience the love you have for your own children, the love and bond a mother and child has is absolutely amazing and I long for that. I NEED that and as much as I try to push it out of my mind, I can't. What about traveling? What about splurging a bit on myself? All things I logically know would be amazing but it doesn't stop that uncontrollable desire.

So the question still remains "why?" Seriously, anyone that can even come close to answering that, please chime in. Why does it take over every emotion? Why is it always in the forefront of my daily thoughts? Why won't it just go away until I allow the feelings to again emerge? Why?

Avoiding the Darkness

Most days my glass is half full. I even took this mood quiz once and I was the Sun which means, "you're happy go lucky, very little bothers you, you're easy to get along with." Unfortunately, no matter how hard I try, there are still those days where my glass just remains empty. I'll try and try to make it better but I can't work my way out of the funk.

I'm having one of those days, but instead of letting myself get back into a negative, unhealthy mood, I'm going to stop it in its tracks. I said in 2010 I was going to avoid the negativity or "avoid the darkness" as I've always seen it because there's that dark place deep inside that is occasionally unavoidable. So how am I going to do that?

Well, Summer 2008-October 2008 I was at my happiest because I was thriving. I'd leave work every day, head straight to the gym and ate healthier than you can ever imagine. Because of that I felt great and confident. After leaving my last position, I eventually dropped my gym membership to save money. With pay being inconsistent, my healthy eating went out the door. I new exactly what to eat to be healthy every day and how to do it appropriately, the right way and now I can't even remember any of it.

So I'm back to having a job that allows me to thrive. I enjoy work and enjoy what I do from 9:00-5:00 so it's time for me to be proud of me when I'm not at work as well. I know I run but I only do it twice a week. The winter months have me a bit down about exercise but no more excuses. I'M TAKING BACK MY ENTIRE LIFE!!! I'm done, it's time to focus on me.

You know that saying, "if mama's not happy ain't no body happy?" Well, that's kind of the way I feel. Jarrad is such an easy going guy that I try to be equally (or as close to equally as I can) as easy going for him. But when I'm grumpy, not feeling well and not liking myself very much, it shows through and I can imagine I'm probably not that fun to be around.

In order to take control, I know I must first get out of this slump and start feeling good and confident about myself once more and that begins with regular exercise and eating right. When I'm at my healthiest, I'm certainly at my happiest. So that's the goal for the week. Jarrad and I are diving in together to keep each other accountable. It's time to stop using the money excuse because mine and Jarrad's health should be at the top of our priority list so I'm pushing it back up to Numero Uno.

New Year, New Me, New Attitude

Guilty as charged, I've been meaning to write and publish this post since the beginning of the year and it never happened but I didn't want to dump this topic because it's important to me.

In 2009 I spent the entire year recovering from the lack of a job at the end of 2008. 2009 brought on many of the financial stresses that mine and Jarrad's first two years of marriage because apparently, keeping a tight budget and living paycheck to paycheck equates to hard financial times when you're jobless for three months. But, I can finally see things have picked up a bit for Jarrad and I. Finances are starting to fall into place, as they should. Don't get me wrong, we're still financially stressed but at least we're to a point where we know we'll survive and pulling through is only a matter of digging our heals in a bit deeper.

So why did I explain all of this to you? Mostly because I'm well aware of the fact that I spent most of 2009 depressed, stressed, upset and that also showed through my writing. So instead of having a New Year's resolution, I decided that I was simply going to set several goals for myself that I plan to utilize both in my writing and in my life.

I'm a happy person, I'm a glass half-full kind of person, I always have been and I'm ready to let everyone see that again. So here are my goals, listed in no particular order:
1. Don't stress so much
2. Maintain a positive attitude, even during times of stress or hardship
3. Find a way to get out of town for a long and much needed relaxing weekend with Jarrad
4. Stay active, get back to healthy and run a triathlon sprint.
5. Find a church that is fitting of my spiritual and emotional needs
6. Find new ways to give back to the community, pay-it-forward
7. Find little ways to thank my friends for what they've done for me and continue to do for me

So those are my goals and I plan on sticking to it. If you see me veering, let me know. I welcome all comments, both good and bad. Until next time....

Happy Valentines Weekend!

I don't usually get overly excited about Valentine's Day. I'm well aware of the fact that it's a holiday created by Hallmark. But as a couple that has to watch every penny that leaves the bank account and work twice as hard to pay monthly bills, we need the occasional excuse to splurge a little and do something nice for each other which generally falls on anniversaries, birthdays and Valentine's Day. We have a habit of not buying for each other at Christmas time because we much prefer giving gifts to people so we put all of our funds towards that.

So what I'm really excited about is a day of being cheesy, a day of being overly lovey and I day to just celebrate the two of us and our love. It started with me sucking at keeping a secret and giving Jarrad the shipping confirmation for a book I ordered him from Amazon (It won't get here until 2/18 so there's no way I could have waited that long). This was followed by my husband surprising me by showing up at the office for lunch and bringing with him flowers which he purposefully had the florist remove the roses from the arrangement and substitute them with tulips, my favorite! I love it when he remembers the little things.

Tonight we're heading to Chapel Hill and Carrboro for an art walk, then it's off to Southern Rail for a delicious meal together. What will we do later tonight? Wouldn't you like to know ;-)

So here's to my favorite valentine, the best husband in the world! And for the opportunity to spoil each other a bit.

Gian Fulgoni Discusses Top Social Media Trends

Got another fun interview for you...I don't mean to be a geek about what I do, but I can't help it.

Also, has anyone noticed how much I like to use "..."? Oh well, just because I'm aware of it doesn't mean I'll stop, :)

Check out the interview on Ignite's Blog.

Jarrad's Craig's List Posting

Found this on Craigslist tonight and now I'm convinced Jarrad published this posting:

As Seen on Ignite's blog: "Twitpic is Unique: Founder Noah Everett Explains Why"

Here's another post I published to the Ignite site. I think it's fun for everyone so sit back, grab a small bag of popcorn and enjoy the 1 minute 15 second interview (fastest interview ever because I'm the fastest talker ever).

Sorry, cheating on you guys again. I'm still writing. I posted to Ignite's blog friday, check it out: http://www.ignitesocialmedia.com/yoplait-social-media-example/.

Also, new post by Wednesday evening....keep your eyes peeled.