Dear Stomach, You're Ruining My LIFE

Dear Stomach, 

Please stop. Your persistent nagging and painful reminders that all is NOT well, have gotten through. I get it, I'm working on it but in the meantime do you think it possible you can back off, even just a little?

Sincerely,
Me

These days I'm living off the five Ps: 

1. Probiotics
2. Prilozac
3. Pineaple Juice
4. Pickles
5. Pepto

Now add to that list a prescription for the nausea and some other stuff I really don't want to talk about.

I've been dealing with some major stomach issues lately that have taken a toll on me. I can't eat (those who know me, know I really do love to eat), I constantly feel sick and as if I'm on the verge of vomitting, the pain radiates to my back leaving golf ball sized knots and to my neck, this gives me a headache for which I have to take medicine which just makes my stomach hurt worse. 
I haven't been able to go to the gym in over two weeks as that just seems to make the pain worse (I miss Zumba) and I love the gym, it makes me feel good about myself. And the exhaustion, I feel exhausted ALL THE TIME! 

The worst part has been that I'm in a foul mood almost every day. Seriously, like I will bite someone's head off any minute and that scares the hell out of me. Jarrad has been great. He checks on me daily, does extra at the house because he knows a messy house drives me nuts but I just don't have the energy to do anything about it, when I have a good day, he tells me all day long how glad he is that it's a good day and here I am, feeling like I may snap any minute and for what? Because, he's doing more around the house? Because he's genuinely concerned? Wow, what a bitch I would be if I acted on that impulse and Saturday I did. Saturday Jarrad was napping in the bedroom with Sarge and me on the couch with the other pups and Sarge started scratching to be let out. In my vicious state, I told myself Jarrad was ignoring Sarge so I'd be the one to get up and let him out so after 30 minutes, I stomp in the room, let Sarge out, bark at Jarrad and slam the door. WTF?!! He didn't deserve that and of course that put him in a bad mood (how could he not?).

What scares me the most, I think, is not only not knowing but I have this huge fear that I'll have test after test after test run and they'll still find nothing. I'm tired of it, I'm done and I'm doing something about it because the last three months have proven to me that this time, it's not getting better. It's just getting worse. 


Please say a little prayer that the Dr.'s will figure something out VERY soon.I don't want to be a horrible wife, I don't want a negative attitude, I don't want to be in a perpetual state of sickness for the rest of my life. I'm active and I was to remain that way. 


OK, that's my vent for the day. Sorry to be whinny but I had to get it out. Now, what can I do for my husband as a little thank you for being amazing?

2011- The Year of the Sullivan's

When Jarrad finally passed all the tests and received his broker's license, he sold his first house the very next day. It was then that we started saying "the year of the Sullivan's is upon us!" and it's finally here. 

Since going three months without a job from October 2008-January 2009, we've struggled to get back on top. At that time, we were barely making it. We were excited that all of our bills were paid every month (which took us a few years to get to that point) and though we were still living pay check to pay check, we were content because nothing was behind and while not having extra money proved to be a bit of a bummer, the months following my change in career paths took a major toll on us financially. Tip #1 from this post that I'm sure will go on forever- never leave a job in October, from October-December 31st every organization has the purse strings closed while preparing and determining projections and needs for the following year. 


Moving on, we felt like we were back to our first years of marriage where we struggled and you played the toss up game with your bills (you know, you toss them up in the air and whichever ones land on the table are the ones that get paid that month and the rest just have to wait). There were some scary times, wondering how you're going to eat, if the power company would hold off just a few more days until you could come up with the money to pay that bill and even worse, how were you going to get gas money to drive to work to make the money you need to survive. With the start of a new job came some relief, but still, with so much behind, paying for school out of pocket and still bringing in a single income, catching up seemed impossible. All we could do was grab hold of the Tiger's tail and hold on for dear life, praying the whole way that he wouldn't turn around and bite us. 


So Jarrad finally finishes school in May 2010 and sets out to find a full-time job, never thinking what he would find would be his career. Starting out as an office manager for a Real Estate broker, the owner immediately saw the potential in Jarrad and pushed him to get his broker's license. Once again, we were paying for classes out of pocket and did I mention the diesel engine in Jarrad's jeep witnessed mechanical failure, leaving us with only one vehicle as we tried to figure out how to deal with a $4,000 engine repair on a shoe-string budget. 


We plowed through with more determination than ever. Not only were we both working full-time, but we were taking on every additional opportunity to make money that was humanly possible, double and triple booking ourselves after work and on the weekends. This year, I was: 

• A Mechanic
• A landscaper
• A nanny
• Regular ole Babysitter
• Contract Painter
• Maid/toilet cleaner
• Personal Assistant
• Housesitter/ Pet Caregiver
• Hair Dresser & Makeup artist

I'm sure there are others I'm missing but you get the point. We fought the good fight and while 2010 may have gotten us in overall score, we made 2010 our bitch in the end. Now that 2011 is here, I'm so excited for the future. The burden of financial stress has weighed heavily on me in the past and for the first time, well, EVER, we're not only paying our bills but we're paying out more than the minimum and watching has our debts are slowly and steadily fading. 


With this, conversation during our long trips to Alabama changed this year during the holidays. Instead of playing the, if we were to win the lottery, game we spoke realistically about getting rid of debt, living more comfortably and reaching very specific goals. 

Yep, the year of the Sullivan's is here- 2011. Though our 6.5 years of marriage have proven to be a major struggle financially, we are one of the few couples that can actually say financial strife did not cause relational turmoil but instead brought us closer together as we've grown and matured in our relationship and now we're finally getting an opportunity to truly enjoy each other without that nagging that's always in the back of your mind when you're concerned about having the funding for the absolute necessities. 


I truly have to thank God for this opportunity. There were so many times when I tried and tried and gave it absolutely everything I had in an attempt to stay afloat but I can't tell you how many nights I found myself sitting on the steps outside our house saying, "OK God, I give up. I can't do it, I've got nothing else to give. You take this, you handle it for a while." Somehow, someway it worked out and it came in so many different forms. Sometimes opportunities to work for additional income, sometimes the help of some amazing friends and a lot of times the help from my parents that knew I was unwilling to admit defeat but were smart enough to recognize that there were times I had no option.

So this year, I will not set resolutions I do not intend to keep. This year, Jarrad and I have set goals instead, goals that are in-fact attainable and that we plan to reach one step at a time and we'll do it, no matter how slow the process may seem, and we will come out victorious.


Yep, 2011 is going to be an amazing year!