Why, you may ask, have I not posted lately. Well...lack of anything positive to say comes to mind, lack of new epiphanies, total lack of interest in my own life to be completely honest. I'm tired, tired of pretending to be OK, tired of pretending everything is fine. Everything is NOT OK. I feel my world crashing down.
6 weeks, 42 days,508+ hours......of being jobless and it's driving me nuts. To be honest, I'm tired of hearing- "you're well qualified, if not overly qualified but unfortunately with the economy being the way it is, not to mention the time of year, it'll be January before we can even think of hiring new staff" REALLY??!!!??? Sometimes I'd rather hear- you're not qualified, change careers- OK, maybe not but it would be much easier to swallow if I didn't know I would be an amazing addition to any PR team but situations have kept me from proving it. I'm not trying to be shallow and say I'm the shit but I'm not going to be modest either. I know PR and I could generate success.....if only given a chance. UGH! How frustrating it is to sit and wait. I know, perhaps I'll have some contract work by the beginning of next week and that's great, but I'm ready to begin somewhere. I'm ready for change- positive change.
I'm not the type of person that can simply sit and enjoy- I need to go go go, I need to move because sitting too long makes me think, and right now I don't enjoy the thoughts that run through my head. Will we make it? Will everything REALLY be OK as everyone assures me it will be? Does God really have a reason for putting me in this position? I've tried letting go, I've tried trusting...but right now I just need change....geez- I would move to freakin Europe tomorrow if it meant starting a new job. I'm sick and tired of the unknown....I'm pissed about not having the ability to buy gifts for my family. I LOVE giving gifts and to go to Alabama for Christmas and not be able to give...but to be expected to accept.....I'm full of shame, I'm full of sadness, I feel absolutely demoralized.
I will not accept defeat...I will go to the ends of the earth until I find that place where I belong. Right now I feel as if I'm simply stuck in limbo, unmoving, unprogressive...pissed at the fucking world. I'm done...I must find change because I can't remain in this state.
