Uncertainty.....

Finally, I'm posting again....the question has been- how can I post about what's going on and what I'm feeling when I'm uncertain of that.

Uncertainty- the word has been stuck in my mind since last Sunday. Mostly because I feel as if I'm living a life of uncertainty. How do I put into words what I've been thinking, I'm still unsure.

Failure- Regardless of the situation, regardless of what was said or that it was something that couldn't be helped, failure comes to mind. Jobless, what the hell is that? I've never not had it all together...I've never not been in control...in control of every aspect of my life. This state of not knowing kills me and I feel like a complete failure.

I've always thought of myself as a strong person- it's probably one fact in which I took great pride. Total control, I could take anything that was thrown at me because I knew who I was and that's all that mattered. But that was boring....

Once again I've brought this on myself- it's something I've asked God for, over and over and over- God, please help me give up the control, please help me simply trust you and give everything up to you and as always he has thrown me for a loop. I've lost that control. Perhaps I should change the title to desperation because I find myself more and more desperate for God throughout each and every turn my life has recently taken oh wow.....it's truly taken many turns. Can I really let go....I still find myself trying to figure out how to regain that control instead of just letting God do his thing, instead of just letting go.

Well, I guess I have no choice but to sit back and see what God has in mind. Let's see how this goes